Why I'm Starting this Substack or, Why I'm Reading Philosophy in My Late Twenties
“I was thirty. Before me stretched the portentous, menacing road of a new decade. . . [T]he promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning briefcase of enthusiasm, thinning hair.” - The Great Gatsby
I have been what I would call philosophy-curious before this time in my life. In my first office job, I had to mind-numbingly format manuscripts for a science journal. I did things like make sure that periods were in the right place, that headings were equally sized, and that there was no extra bold text lying around. Around that time I got really into podcasts - anything I could turn on and tune out. Among those was Stephen West’s Philosophize This, an amazing podcast by a phenomenal podcaster. I can’t recommend it enough for introductory content for all of philosophy, from Socrates right up to current topics. I wasn’t processing a lot of the information, but at least some ideas and anecdotes got through to me before I turned back to whatever manuscript I was working on.
In one episode of the podcast, Stephen West describes the spirit of philosophy like a flame that sparked in different places throughout the world, and then would die down and be rekindled in a different place. For example, Europe was hot with it for a while before the Middle Ages, and then when it was stamped out there, it was picked up throughout the Islamic Empire. For me, hours of mindlessly listening to Philosophize This in the background of my job was the first little spark of philosophy, before it died out again. But at the time I didn’t have the conception of philosophy that I do today (a better word might be self-improvement or self-discovery). I didn’t want to sound pretentious to myself, so I didn’t really embrace anything I was hearing or learning.
Fast forward to earlier this year, when I was abruptly laid off from my first law firm job. Ultimately, this was a good thing, both for them and for me, but at the time it was shocking. In the aftermath, I felt worthless, humiliated, and ashamed. A great deal of that suffering came out of letting other people set the standard for what I thought of myself - a common thing my generation does, and something I’ve been doing all my life. Even when you are laid off from a job that wasn’t a good fit for you, there is a grieving process that goes into leaving, and for me, a lot of the pain came from what getting laid off meant for me and what I was worried it said about me as a person.
On top of this, I’m twenty-nine. My thirties are looming, just right around the corner, and this magnifies any life development. Here I am, on the verge of the “portentous, menacing road of a new decade.” What have I done? What am I doing now? What would I have done differently?
I was desperate to start looking into these questions. I didn’t want to turn thirty without having some language with which to evaluate and examine my life. Greater than this, I was miserable right after being laid off, and had major doubts about myself and continuing on with my career.
In this despair, I remembered one of those Stephen West episodes that examined, in part, a book called The Consolation of Philosophy (which will be the subject of future posts). I didn’t remember anything about it, I just knew I needed some kind of consolation. Without diving too deep now, the author, Boethius, is exiled, imprisoned, and eventually executed in Sixth Century Rome. While awaiting his execution, he writes The Consolation of Philosophy. In that book, he describes being comforted by Philosophy (with a capital “P”) and details a way of thinking about his life, and about life in general, that gave him comfort in his final days—this is what comforted him while facing execution. I just lost a job and I’m getting older - maybe there’s something to what he’s saying and how he’s thinking about the big questions.
What comforts Boethius, in part, is his search for knowledge, the act of asking the question of what makes a good life. Many people are doing this now, it just looks different - the proliferation of meditation apps, self-help books, prosperity gospels. Everyone is looking for self-improvement everywhere. What interests me about ancient philosophy is just that the questions seem to me to be bigger — Aristotle asks simply: what is the highest good that we, as humans, strive for. Plus, so many contemporary ideas are rooted, consciously or not, in ancient philosophy, and I think that starting from what is more or less the start of things can illuminate modern problems.
I wanted to get into self-help and identity-shaping from first principles. Before I turn thirty, I want to at least begin the work of trying to understanding what life is, what it should be, and how to make the best life, because I certainly didn’t start trying to figure this out in my twenties. I also know that I’m not alone — it’s a rough, weird time to be in your late twenties / early thirties. I’m creating a newsletter here in part with the hope that what I discover through reading some of these texts will be useful to other similarly angsty individuals, but primarily as a record of study for myself and a source of accountability.
That said, I’m not an expert in philosophy. I didn’t study it in college, I don’t have any reference books, I’m just meeting the original texts where I’m at - which, in my mind, is how we should approach philosophy. I want to know what it takes to be happy - so did Aristotle. I need comfort in a tough time - so did Boethius. Of course, I’ll miss things that an actual philosopher or historian would catch. The upside to that, though, is that there’s no sacredness to these people for me either. They’re flawed people from a flawed time. I’m looking for how they asked the questions that we’re still wrestling with today, and whether what they found is useful now, for us, in the 2020’s.
So that’s the idea behind this Substack. I’m not an expert, just a dude with some books and some late-twenties angst. My goal is to publish every Friday morning, but I won’t hold to that too strongly. For the most part, posts will be centered around a particular book. The next few posts, for example, will pick out some pieces from the Nicomachean Ethics. Subscribe, share your thoughts, let me know if you want to write your own guest post - we’re all on this journey together.
Thank you - and welcome to Turning Thirty with Aristotle!